To Thine Own Self Be True

So from the last blog you might have thought I was suggesting that you change for your man. No. I’m suggesting that you change for yourself. To become a better person – the person you were designed to be.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made – complex creatures with a unique mix of character traits. But like a photograph each trait has a negative. Tenacity can become bull-headed stubbornness. Self-confidence can become pride. Compassion can become enabling.

You’ve probably taken a personality test and found that you’re an animal, color or letter. But you’re seldom all owl or all green. Most people are a mix of at least two personality types.

I find these tests difficult because I’m thinking, well, in my personal life I’m this, but in my professional life I’m that… but still with every test I come out with a similar version of the same personality.

So according to Tim LaHaye I’m a ChlorPhleg, or using the DISC method I’m an SC. I’ve never taken the Myers-Briggs Animal Personality test, and I’m not sure I want to take a chance on being a Hippo or a Gorilla.

The point is, our personalities don’t change. And guess what? We won’t be able to change the personality of our hero – so we’d better know what it is and if we can live with it. 

But with knowledge we have the power to guard against negative traits while enhancing positive ones. The goal of change is to be true to our best self.

I love feedback – have you taken a personality test and do you think it was accurate?

I'm No Expert

I’m no expert. I’m not a psychologist, counselor or therapist. But I do have common sense, life experience and friends. And, well, you know, women love to talk. We especially like to talk about men. What’s wrong with them, what we’d change, and what we wish we had known before we made a lifetime commitment.

Then we read a romance novel. The hero is gorgeous, exciting and oh, so perfect! He never leaves a pile of dirty clothes on the floor and his whispered endearments are music to our ears. And if we’re reading romantic suspense, the macho factor goes through the roof.

Here’s the thing: Romance novels are written by women. So of course, we make the heroes conform to ideals. Fortunately, we live in the real world. I say fortunately, because face it, the heroines in romances are pretty perfect, too.  Quite frankly, I can’t live up to that pressure on a daily basis.

In the real world our heroes are accountants, mechanics and utility workers. And if they’re faithful providers, engaged fathers and spiritual leaders shouldn’t that be enough? Does it really matter that they don’t fold the towels the same way we do? Isn’t it enough that they fold them?

So on this blog I’m going to share some of my thoughts about finding our hero, whether we’re looking across the kitchen table, searching for some heroic quality in our partner of twenty years or still waiting for him to arrive on the scene. I’d love your feedback, so what makes your hero appealing?